ICSI (My Journey - Part 4)

ICSI….

I won’t bore you with as much detail in this blog….as I think you get the jist of the whole process!!

So, the consultant decided that this time round they would be trying ICSI.  ICSI is when the sperm is injected straight into the egg.  So with a mixture of nerves and excitement, round 2 started and hormone hell ensured! 😩  I also joined a fertility chat room “Fertility Friends” this let me talk about my feelings with people who were going through the same process as me, and I have to say this did help, just having someone who understood all your worries and anxieties, as you were going through your treatment helped immensely.

I responded slightly better to the hormone injections this time and I ended up with 11 viable eggs.  4 of which fertilised this time round….yay!!!.  So, I could go to the next stage, this being embryo transfer.  This is when the fertilised eggs are put back in your uterus.

 Embryo Transfer

 

After embryos transfer, you have to take pessaries for 12 days, which I have to say is not the nicest!  Then test day is then scheduled for 14 days later. 

 

Those 14 days are the worst….it’s horrible waiting to find out if all your hopes and dreams are going to be realised or shattered again!.

 

So we waited……

 

And the dreaded call came….failed again!  This time my results just happened to come on the weekend of Mother’s Day – bad timing or what!!!  I fell to pieces and felt like such a failure, I think I even said to my husband that he could leave me, because it was so unfair that I couldn’t give him children and he could go and have children with someone else......I felt so guilty……of course he didn’t but I felt so bad!!  What else can I say…I was devastated and felt that babies/prams were everywhere I went and looked….well they seemed everywhere to me!!!

 

After this set back I was thoroughly fed up and decided that I couldn’t cope with any more treatment, so  I decided to have a break from all things baby and went on holiday and enjoyed myself  for a wee while.  In fact I had a friends 30^th a couple of weeks after my treatment had failed and a group of us went away for the weekend….........let’s just say it was slightly messy! J

 

After doing a wee bit of research on alternative medicines for fertility, I decided that I would try acupuncture in the hope that it might help with my cycle.  So I started going to an acupuncturist and taking Chinese Herbal Medicine and I have to say I found this really relaxing and it did make me feel better in myself.  I have added a link here from fertility expert Zita West on Acupuncture for fertility.

In the December of that year, I hadn’t being feeling very well and it turns out the reason for that was that I was PREGNANT…..yes PREGNANT!  I was in total shock and I can remember my gynaecologist saying that he couldn’t understand how that it had happened and that it was a ‘Medical Miracle’.   Now, I have no idea whether it was the acupuncture that made the difference or whether it was because for the first time in years, I totally switched off from thinking about trying to have a baby……I suppose I will never know!!

And who cares…it happened and I can’t put into words how that made me feel at that precise moment.  I was overcome with a million different emotions.

My story doesn’t quite end here........so please subscribe, so you don't miss my next instalment.

 

Thanks for reading.
M x